When we were pregnant with Bianca six years ago, my goal was a birth center birth. There was part of me that so badly wanted a home birth, and while Chris was on board, we figured this route was as close as we could get, while still being cautious. You can read Bianca’s birth story here.

Her birth was nothing short of life changing, in the best way, but when we conceived last November with baby number two, we decided to research options again. The pandemic played a big part in our decision, but I also knew in my heart I wanted something more. After interviewing a few midwives, my mind was made up.

We were having a home birth.

I woke on a Sunday at 40 weeks and four days to a text from my best friend, “any baby sightings”? I laughed aloud and wrote back, “lots of signs of labor, but no baby. I am determined to have this baby by the end of the weekend.”  

For weeks it seemed like baby was coming early, and at least three times we thought it was the real deal.

As we crept closer to the end of nine months, we stopped making plans, made sure we had all our supplies, and prepped like our little bundle would arrive any day. I became exceedingly frustrated and stressed, not to mention uncomfortable. Each midwife appointment we spent most of the time discussing my mindset, mental health, and induction options.

She and I knew a lot of this was self-inflicted, as I was determined to do everything in my control to keep my blood pressure low. This was an issue at the end of my pregnancy with Bianca, and a potential roadblock to our home birth.

Approaching my 41-week appointment, we decided to decline standard of care and allow little man to come on his own terms. This terrified me, as it was the ultimate test of trust. Trust in divine timing, my body, and my baby.

Up to this point, we tried several natural induction options, but on this day, I got serious. After discussing it with my doula, I decided on a breast pump protocol. I pumped mindlessly for over an hour, worrying it would not be enough.

Contractions started immediately, but I brushed them off. Regular contractions were nothing new.

We went about our day relaxing, going for a walk, cleaning the house, and assuming baby was not making an appearance anytime soon. We took Bianca for ice cream and tried to soak up whatever time we had left as a family of three.

Around dinner, I completed the Miles Circuit. For those of you close to labor, overdue, or in labor, this circuit is incredible, and has a high success rate among those who use it!

Chatting with neighbors outside later that evening, the discomfort really started to pick up. Again, I brushed it off, but told Chris the circuit seemed to be doing something. Everything felt different.

We put Bianca to bed around 9 pm and tried to settle in. I kept quiet, but thought, maybe we should start timing them?

I mentioned something to Chris, and he immediately started a timer. Trying not to get excited, and still telling myself this was not happening, I tried to relax and watch T.V. My anxiety was high, and I began to worry this was labor. We got out of bed and started preparing.

Chris insisted on filling the birth tub, as it takes a while, but I kept saying no, over, and over. I was too afraid it was false labor again. He suggested we call the midwife and see what she advised. “We are not calling our team here in the middle of the night, until we are 100% certain this is really it”, I said.

His response, “hon you are in labor. You have been having contractions every 4-5 minutes for a few hours. That is the definition of labor.”

I ignored him, but at this point only felt comfortable bending over the birth ball, or the side of the bed on my knees. I agreed to let him fill the tub.

I set up our diffusers, made a labor roller with essential oils, put on warm lighting around the house, found comfortable clothes and tried to watch a movie.

I could not sit still. Walking the stairs, my contractions started coming closer together and some were lasting over a minute. They also REALLY hurt. With Bianca I had all back labor. These were more intense, and I felt them in my back, shooting down my cervix, and into the tops of my legs. It was my entire pelvis and for the first time, I was nervous. I knew if I felt it in my back, he may not be in the correct position. I kept moving to try and encourage baby to turn.

We tidied up toys and organized a bit. I began dusting and Chris looked at me and said, “babe no one cares what the house looks like, that’s not what they are here to look at.” I could not stop laughing but kept going.

Every few minutes Chris would ask if I wanted to call our birth team. At one point I snapped, telling him I was not calling them all here, just to send them home.

He stayed calm, “Val you’ve been in labor since 9:45, this is what they do, and I am not catching this baby alone.” At 3:30 am he called our midwife, and I could hear her on the other end asking questions. Her last one was, “does Val want me to come.” I shook my head yes at Chris, and knew it was go time.

Next, we called our doula and my mom and asked them to make their way over.

Feeling uncomfortable, I got in the birth tub. It was glorious! The warm water felt amazing, and I kept moving, to ease the discomfort. I put on my headphones and tried to listen to a birthing meditation to keep my mind off the contractions. Things seamed to ease up in the water, and I was not sure if that was good or bad.

Around 4:20 am our midwife arrived. She watched me through a contraction and said, “I think it might still be early.”  She told me I could relax in the water, or she could check my progress. At this point, I had been in labor for almost seven hours. Everyone tells you second babies come faster, so I figured we had to be close to ten centimeters (or so I hoped).

My mom arrived in the meantime, and we heard the news. Three centimeters and 100% effaced. I was devastated but held back the tears. This was taking so long. Damn all those second baby myths. Seeing the disappointment on my face, she looked at me and said, “you can go from three to ten in no time.” I asked her if she would go home or stay. She said, “oh I’m here now, we’re doing this.”

Since neither Chris or I had slept, she wanted me to lay down and try to rest. Laying down was where my contractions were the worst. My mom offered to lay with me, since Chris refused to sleep at this point. We laid in my bed with Bianca asleep between us, and the pain was unbearable. My doula arrived and came up to check on me. She whispered, “you don’t have to lay here if you can’t. We can get up, walk around, eat, hang out, whatever you need.” I shook my head, knowing she was right, but told her I would try to sleep and get her if needed.

After two more contractions I got up and said to my mom, “I can’t do this.” She asked where I was the most comfortable, and we moved into that position. I labored on my knees on the side of the bed hugging a pillow for a few minutes and started to feel hot. A wave of nausea came over me and I said to my mom, “I need to throw up.”  We ran to the bathroom and made it to the toilet just in time.

Nausea and vomiting are common in labor, and I was sick during Bianca’s labor too.

Chris brought water for me to try and keep down, as there was not much coming up at this point. I kneeled over the toilet and held myself up with my arms. Things were picking up in my body, but in my mind, I was still in denial.

I told myself we could be here a while and tried to settle in. I had visions of still being in labor the next day, or not having him until the following evening. My heart sunk with each contraction, as it was super intense, and I questioned whether I could do it again.

In the back of my mind, I chuckled and thought, of course you are going to do this. You already did it once.

We kept the bathroom dark. It felt like I was in another world. I was so tired, and my muscles and arms were aching from bearing the weight of my body. My mom massaged my lower back through each contraction and offered liquids when I needed. I tried not to make a lot of noise, since Bianca was still sleeping in the next room.

I asked my mom to start rubbing my arms and shoulders. She did whatever I asked. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could hold myself up. There were a few times I said, “I don’t know how much longer I can do this,” and at one point I mumbled, “I think I’m dying mom”.

With each contraction I was making more noise and she asked if we should get the midwife.

“NO”! I would say. I could not handle the disappointment of being five or six centimeters. I also knew my midwife needed to listen to the baby, so I kept telling myself, just a little bit longer. Looking back, I am not sure what I was waiting for. When I talked with my midwife about the birth later she said, “you were waiting for him.”

I began feeling nauseous again and was dry heaving. It was so strong, that at one point while I was vomiting, my water broke. I ignored it and stayed put.   

The sun rose and the bathroom was bright, I started pushing, but was not sure if I was doing it on purpose, or my body was ready. With the next contraction I let out a loud groan and heard Chris rushing to get our midwife and doula.

They hurried into the bathroom. They thought we were all sleeping this entire time. My midwife listened to the baby, reminding me she needed to keep checking his heart rate. She also worked quickly asking for assistance, as none of her supplies were set up. My doula looked at me and encouraged me to make low, primal noises. I knew I was pushing but was not sure if I was fully dilated. I asked my midwife to check me again and noticed blood on the floor. He was coming.

I found out later my midwife texted her nurse at this point and said “COME,” as she had been on standby thinking it would be a while.

I wanted so badly to get into the birth tub, but the thought of moving was overwhelming. My midwife mentioned there was a small cervical lip still and I had to stop pushing. I said, “wait, can I keep pushing,” then realized how ridiculous this sounded. She said, “no, I need you to just breathe through the next few contractions until it is gone, or I can move it and he will come down.”

I sat for a second, unable to make a decision. The thought of her moving anything terrified me. My doula looked at me, “I’ve seen this so many times, let her move what is left, and baby will fly right out!”

Agreeing, everyone helped me to the bed. With the next contraction, my midwife did what she had to do, and his entire body dropped. The pressure was intense now and I could feel his head crowning.  

My team asked if I wanted to get in the birth tub and I said, “yes.” They tried to help me up, but I was pushing harder than ever, and knew we were not making it.

“I can’t,” I mumbled….” he is coming right here.” There was no moving, his head was coming, and I could not stop it. This was the moment we waited ten months for.

This baby seemed much bigger than Bianca, and fear washed over me. I remember pushing with her and reaching a point where I had to commit. Here I was again, debating on moving forward or not.

My mom took Bianca for a walk outside. She thought they had more time, until he made an appearance. I was afraid of tearing, and my team jumped into action grabbing olive oil and towels and coaching me to give little pushes. After one push his head was born. I was in shock at how much slower it seemed this time, as if time stood still. I gave another push, and my midwife moved the cord from around his neck. She had to spend a bit of time unwrapping it from around his shoulder and arm. I could feel every part of his tiny body as I let out another push, marveling at the fact that he was in between worlds.

At 7:20 am, almost ten hours after my contractions started, they pulled him up on my belly and he let out a cry. I was crying too and could not believe it was over, stunned at what I had done for a second time. My midwife turned him to face my mom, Bianca, and Chris so they could catch a glimpse.

Everyone was in awe of this perfect little person, who just made his way earth side. We announced his name, Jude Valentine, which had been a secret. His middle name is for my grandfather, after whom I am also named. Bianca was infatuated with her baby brother and could not get enough of his little cry and tiny features.  

Chris and my team kept saying how small he was, and I felt relieved. He weighed in at 6 lbs. 12 oz.

My nurse made it just in time for the delivery of the afterbirth, and to help assist with baby assessments. My incredible midwife hopped on the bed to educate everyone on the placenta. For both my births I asked to see it and take pictures. The science geek in me was in heaven!

The morning was so relaxed. We let Jude latch, eat, took lots of pictures, and enjoyed our time cuddling in bed. My mom got breakfast for everyone, and my nurse, doula and midwife helped me shower. I felt so cared for and loved throughout the entire process.

We had a close friend take photos after the birth and family visited throughout the day.

Being home was truly a magical experience. Am I certain there will be a next time? No, not really. Will we try again for a home birth? Absolutely. Stay tuned……